The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
