Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
