Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
