Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
