Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
