Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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