we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
