Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
