Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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