I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
