Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
