i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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