Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
