She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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