just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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