He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
