Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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