If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
