my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
