I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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