He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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