I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
