Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
