Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
