New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
