Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
