So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
