Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
