I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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