sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
