I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
