I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
