question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
