Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
