i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
