Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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