Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
