I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
