Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
