a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
