she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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