I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
