i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
