K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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