Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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