the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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