So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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