Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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