So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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