Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
