i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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