this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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