I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
