Swine flu. Run for my life!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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